A Message from the Sports Agency of Corker

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A Message from the Sports Agency of Corker

Postby Kinto » January 25th, 2015, 4:09 pm

A Message from the Sports Agency of Corker
January 25, 2015

We’re sure by now you have all noticed the conspicuous absence of our beloved and talented client Mr. Trent St. Croix, star rookie of the Santa Fe Whips.

Last weekend while celebrating All Star Week Mr. St. Croix collapsed at a party and was promptly rushed to the hospital. San Jose police believe that Mr. St. Croix was deliberately, maliciously, and inconceivably poisoned by substance or substances introduced to his beverage or beverages by person or persons unknown. Another player at the party was also affected in the incident, though not as severely.

It is well-known that my client is a clean-as-a-country-priest-on-Sunday abstemious teetotaler and we wish to emphasize, and toxicology reports confirm, that Mr. St. Croix did not knowingly, willingly, or consensually ingest, consume, or imbibe illegal, illicit, or prohibited toxic, noxious, or injurious mind-, body-, or consciousness-altering substances, drugs, or narcotics.

If Mr. St. Croix had not received punctual and immediate medical attention the damage could have been permanently debilitating and likely even career-ending. As it is, we are relived to report that Mr. St. Croix is expected to make a full recovery.

In the meantime, I have advised my client to avoid speaking to the media and stay away from public appearances until he is fully recovered.

We are taking this matter very seriously. Anyone with information regarding this callous, cowardly, and unprovoked attack on a beloved public figure is urged to contact the San Jose police immediately.

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