Commercial Break! Herdee's Vegetarian Chubburger (Edwin Griega, Narkissa Cassius, their Agents + Special Guest)

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Ratiphex
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Commercial Break! Herdee's Vegetarian Chubburger (Edwin Griega, Narkissa Cassius, their Agents + Special Guest)

Postby Ratiphex » January 14th, 2017, 8:31 pm

[[ Scene - four people are sitting at a table inside a HERDEE’S restaurant. A peregrine falcon is seated next to a wolverine. Names are flashed onscreen: JACK KELPLER for the falcon, and DUNCAN MULLOY for the wolverine. Underneath the names are the words “Sports Agents.” ]]

Duncan (speaking dryly): So, this endorsement opportunity has come up for you two, and the company wanted us to take you out to lunch and tell you about it.

[[ Cut to the other side of the table. A female lemur is seated next to a male Canada goose. Their names appear: Narkissa Kassius for the lemur, and Edwin Griega for the goose. Their titles are listed as “Professional Athletes.” Both are wearing orange shirts with “I <3 SHOOTYHOOPS” on it in black lettering, but neither shirt has team logos or emblems. ]]

Narkissa: You… brought us to a Herdee’s. You do know we’re both vegetarians, right?

Edwin: Yeah, there’s little to nothing on their menu that’s for us.

[[ Cut back to the other side of the table ]]

Jackson: That used to be true, but check this out - you could be the spokespersons for their new Vegetarian Chubburger. Go on and give it a try.

[[ Jackson hands over two burger boxes. The shot cuts back to Edwin and Narkissa, who both have the burger in hand and are chewing. ]]

Edwin: Pretty good.

Narkissa: Yeah, I could get behind this.

[[ The shot turns back to Jackson and moves over the falcon’s shoulder, zooming in on someone seated two tables behind them. Only white fingers are visible, the rest of whomever it is hidden behind a newspaper. When the newspaper lowers, it’s revealed to be Victor Vos, and the fox just shakes his head and scowls at the scene playing out near him. ]]

Vos: Dang, y’all are f*bleep*in’ amateurs!

[[ His muzzle is blurred along with the bleep, so it’s unknown if he actually dropped an f-bomb or if it was an “unnecessary censorship.” Vos throws the newspaper down, gets up and grabs the camera lens with one paw, dragging it over to show him using his free paw to snatch the burger out of Narkissa’s hands, putting his face close to the camera. ]]

Vos: Like this, yo. THE VEGETARIAN CHUBBURGER, DIP THIS IN YA’ MUZZLE!

[[ Vos takes a giant bite and lets go of the camera, starting to walk away, still holding the burger, the cameraperson following him walking away and showing that they’re on a soundstage. ]]

Vos: Dang, this is actually pretty good for herbivore grub!

[[ A director yells, “CUT!” as the camera swivels back to the four at the table. Edwin and Jackson are staring aghast with beaks agape, while Duncan and Narkissa are scowling angrily. The shot holding on the table for two seconds before a white background drops down, followed by the burger falling down slowly and bouncing, but landing neatly. ]]

Announcer: The new Vegetarian Chubburger™. Only at Herdee’s.

[[ Cut back to Edwin and Narkissa. The lemur is gesticulating and glowering. ]]

Narkissa: That wasn’t in the script! HE wasn’t in the script!

[[ Edwin shrugs, picks up his burger and takes a bite. ]]

Edwin (with mouth full): So, take two?

Director (offstage): Nah, I think we got it.

[[ Narkissa rolls her eyes before the video cuts to black. ]]

[[ END ]]


---

Credits:

Narkissa Kassius created by JWolfman
Duncan Malloy created by Haloke
Vic Vos created by Buck Hopper, currently maintained by Strykerfox
Edwin Griega and Jack Kelpler created by Ratiphex.

All characters used with permission.

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